find me
1. a new job
2. a boy

and I'll never complain again. promise.

oh my god, it's been forever. not that much has changed, really.
I have one more week of class after I make it through this week. I have a ton of last-minute projects to finish, of course, and that's stressing me wayyy out.
Last week I joined a gym (thursday to be exact) and I've worked out thursday, sunday and tonight, and I'm going to go again thursday after class. my goal is to lose 15 pounds. my friend jackie has been going to 12th street, so I just signed a year-long membership so we can work out together, and I have motivation to go haha.
the "new" apartment is coming along well. I was in a mad rush to get things as together as possible before my parents came to visit for thanksgiving. I painted the living room/kitchen and hallway, and my bedroom. I didn't have time to do the bathroom yet :( I'm trying to convince my roommates to do it this week, but it probably won't get done.
I'm trying to cut back hours at work but it's not happening. I'm losing my mind- I work everyday friday through tuesday and have class all day wednesday and thursday, so I don't even get one day off a week. I have things to get done, and everything is falling behind.
I don't know what to get anyone for christmas, and I don't have a lot of money to spend, either, so that's one more thing to add to the list. ughhh.

I've crawled home from worse than this

sooo we're finally settled... sort of. we found another apartment and have lived here a little over a week. it's still in shambles and in stages of unpacking, but it's getting there. we decided to paint the place (it's currently a light shade of blue... I know) so that's slowing things down. none of us have a common day off, so we're going to have to do it in stages.

this past week was insane. I went out thursday through sunday. I haven't been going out too much these days, so that really killed me. I ended up going to two bars on friday, three on saturday, and two on sunday. I basically had an ongoing hangover the entire weekend. sunday when jackie and I were leaving the bar, janice picked us up (she was at national with vanessa and we were at the el bar with justin and kyle). she was being really obnoxious in the car and pretending to be stupid drunk and so was vanessa. I tried to bite my tongue but I couldn't any longer, mostly because I CAN'T STAND vanessa. I lashed out at janice and then the whole car was pretty much silent the rest of the night home. it was funny that as soon as I called her out on it, she and vanessa all of a sudden were acting composed and not like drunk assholes like they had been. it's funny, when I'm not wasted, I can't stand being around drunk, or drunk acting, people.

other than that, I'm already in the fourth week of school and I have SO MUCH to do.

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg.

seriously, what did I do to diserve this miserable existence?!?! I like to think I'm a pretty reasonable human being, and that I don't deserve all of this insanity.

we're being kicked out of our apartment, effective oct. 1st. we haven't even fully moved in yet, due to the leaks/mold/everything falling apart. my bedroom doesn't even have a ceiling anymore!!!!!! and, to top it off, they only want to give us half of our money back despite the deplorable living conditions.
to top it off, my old roommate skipped town for 2 weeks and she owes me money from bills from our last apartment. I notified her multiple times and she kept saying she'd drop if off at work, but she didn't. now those bills are going to be late.
oscar is losing his hair due to the stress of the move. I took him to the vet and the bill came to roughly $145. I only made $190 last week after taxes, and I had to pay the vet bill up-front. I didn't even have any food!! I spent my last $30 today at trader joe's. I get paid tomorrow, but I have to pay all of the bills from my last apt. in full since Christina didn't give me her half, and there goes my paycheck.

we need to move by wednesday and if we don't get all of our money back, I can't afford another down payment. and even though oscar is on antibiotics due to his skin condition, he has an upper respiratory infection now (probably due to the mold in the basement) and I can't afford to take him to the vet. I broke down in tears today in front of my roommate because I'm so worried about him.

I really just want to die right now.

ugh. I really don't know what to do these days.
this is my last week of school before my 2 week summer break. I have a lot of work left to do until then, and hopefully I pass all of my classes. this has been an extremely stressful quarter.

I moved into my apartment on the 1st and I'm still living by myself (well, oscar is here too obviously). my roommate's bedroom keeps flooding through the ceiling every time it rains, and so does our basement. they keep trying to fix it but nothing is working. it's annoying because we still have boxes everywhere because we can't unpack a lot of things. we were hoping to have had a house warming party by now, but it keeps getting pushed back farther. at least we haven't paid rent yet!

it's hard to believe that after living here for 2+ years, I still find myself miserable, and alone. I feel like giving up.

ahhh!!! I'm moving in 4 days. I'm so so so nervous!! things have been going not so great lately and I've been worrying a lot more than I should over things.
last night I went to raven with Meredith and Bridget and we actually had a really good time. Steve was there, and he invited me to bob and barbara's on friday and I'll probably end up going.
tomorrow morning I have a doctor's appointment then work. I've worked everyday in a row since friday, and I don't have a day off until sunday which is when I move (that makes 9 days in a row!!). the payroll department at my work screwed things up last week so I never got paid, and I'm stressing over that, too.

as you can see, I have no life. goodnight.

self-portrait